WE DEMAND INTERNET TAXES!!!
http://bit.ly/Y9J0cU
Boston: Obama Administration to reclassify marathon bombing as ‘sportsplace violence’ Study: Success has many fathers but failure becomes a government program US Media: Can Pope Francis possibly clear up Vatican bureaucracy and banking without blaming the previous administration? Michelle Obama praises weekend rampage by Chicago teens as good way to burn calories and stay healthy This Passover, Obama urges his subjects to paint lamb’s blood above doors in order to avoid the Sequester White House to American children: Sequester causes layoffs among hens that lay Easter eggs; union-wage Easter Bunnies to be replaced by Mexican Chupacabras Time Mag names Hugo Chavez world’s sexiest corpse Boy, 8, pretends banana is gun, makes daring escape from school Study: Free lunches overpriced, lack nutrition Oscars 2013: Michelle Obama announces long-awaited merger of Hollywood and the State Joe Salazar defends the right of women to be raped in gun-free environment: ‘rapists and rapees should work together to prevent gun violence for the common good’ Dept. of Health and Human Services eliminates rape by reclassifying assailants as ‘undocumented sex partners’ Kremlin puts out warning not to photoshop Putin riding meteor unless bare-chested Deeming football too violent, Obama moves to introduce Super Drone Sundays instead Japan offers to extend nuclear umbrella to cover U.S. should America suffer devastating attack on its own defense spending Feminists organize one billion women to protest male oppression with one billion lap dances Urban community protests Mayor Bloomberg’s ban on extra-large pop singers owning assault weapons Concerned with mounting death toll, Taliban offers to send peacekeeping advisers to Chicago Karl Rove puts an end to Tea Party with new ‘Republicans For Democrats’ strategy aimed at losing elections Answering public skepticism, President Obama authorizes unlimited drone attacks on all skeet targets throughout the country Skeet Ulrich denies claims he had been shot by President but considers changing his name to ‘Traps’ White House releases new exciting photos of Obama standing, sitting, looking thoughtful, and even breathing in and out New York Times hacked by Chinese government, Paul Krugman’s economic policies stolen White House: when President shoots skeet, he donates the meat to food banks that feed the middle class To prove he is serious, Obama eliminates armed guard protection for President, Vice-President, and their families; establishes Gun-Free Zones around them instead State Dept to send 100,000 American college students to China as security for US debt obligations Jay Carney: Al Qaeda is on the run, they’re just running forward President issues executive orders banning cliffs, ceilings, obstructions, statistics, and other notions that prevent us from moving forwards and upward Fearing the worst, Obama Administration outlaws the fan to prevent it from being hit by certain objects World ends; S&P soars Riddle of universe solved; answer not understood Meek inherit Earth, can’t afford estate taxes Greece abandons Euro; accountants find Greece has no Euros anyway Wheel finally reinvented; axles to be gradually reinvented in 3rd quarter of 2013 Bigfoot found in Ohio, mysteriously not voting for Obama As Santa’s workshop files for bankruptcy, Fed offers bailout in exchange for control of ‘naughty and nice’ list Freak flying pig accident causes bacon to fly off shelves Obama: green economy likely to transform America into a leading third world country of the new millennium Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
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